Books about NT growing up in AS family?
I'm looking for a book to give my sister about AS families. She was the only neurotypical in our family, my father, mother and myself were all AS. She has stated "she is not with me on this AS stuff; daddy was just a emotionless army guy and mother was bipolar". Maybe I should just give up, she is going to live in denial no matter what I do. Any suggestions?
Actually - I would really recommend "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison. Even if it doesn't "convince" your sister - it is a great book and I bet she will find some familiarity there.
Yes, John's younger brother was NT and sort of in a similar position, considering the parents' eccentricities. John's book is all told from an AS perspective ... Perhaps his brother's book Running with Scissors? I haven't read it yet, so I'm not sure how much he focuses on the AS angle. I believe there is a chapter in there about John that acknowledges his diagnosis. ???
If your sister is anything like mine, it might be hopeless. I don't believe my sister, who is in denial even after our dad basically admitted to having AS right in front of her, will give up her OCD schtick as the explanation for why he is so "rigid" and "perfectionistic." (Actually, I find it more convincing that those are HER issues, rather than our dad's.) I could give her five or six books, and she probably wouldn't read any of them. She has told me she doesn't have the patience to be "social worker" to anyone and is sick and tired of being surrounded by "weirdos."
Ah well. Hope your sister will at least try to understand. Fingers crossed! If she does, please share about it. If you have any pointers for facilitating dialogue, I'd love to hear them!
Just a quick fyi - Running with Scissors does mention John's diagnosis very briefly but the book is really all about Augusten's experience growing up. I definitely would not recommend it for Mary's purpose.
Thanks everyone,
I've read Running with Scissors and just finished Look me in the Eye. I thought about sending the second book but it never indicates AS might be a cause of his father and mothers bazaar behaviors. Do you think they were? I can draw parallels between their relationship with that deplorable shrink and my lamentable years in gestalt therapy groups!
My opinion (as a clinical social worker who works with people with mental health issues and substance abuse) is that it's hard to know, given the father's alcoholism and seeming depression and the mother's pill addiction. Hard to sort out underneath all that if they had any spectrum traits. My thought about recommending this book was that maybe she would recognize some things similar to you there, and if so, she may then start to understand more about spectrum traits and behaviors. I realize though that when you said she is not with you on the AS about your parents, does that also extend to you?
I just got out one book from the library and another is on the way so hope to get some reviews out to you in the next several weeks or so - apologies for not being able to do it sooner.
Yes, my sister says that I am just bipolar and that is why I could never hold down a job. When I asked her about my 'pestering' her to play dolls with me she says all see remembers is that I wanted to play for hours!
Hi Mary, I looked at a couple of books and do have a book to recommend. The first one was similar to many others out there – that is, a first person account of a parent who finds out that her child is on the spectrum. I wanted something a little different as I kept in mind that you asked for something that might be good for your sister to read. I found a book called “Voices from the Spectrum: Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, People with Autism and Professionals Share Their Wisdom,” edited by Cindy N. Ariel and Robert A. Naseef.
I have read a number of essays in the book but not nearly all of them. What I like about what I have read so far is that the book shows a snapshot of numerous lives of people on the spectrum from many different points of view and perspectives. It shows how people cope and live with the diagnosis, either as someone with it or someone who has one or more family members who are on the spectrum. For example, in the section called “Diagnosed on the Spectrum” which has essays by people with Autism, there are two couples - both husband and wife couples where the husbands have been diagnosed on the spectrum as adults - who each write an essay.
The sections are broken up into essays by the categories of the people in the book title – parents, grandparents, etc. The parents section is the most extensive one. The sibling section and the grandparents section are both small in comparison to the others. The sibling one has a few essays by adult siblings and the rest are by teen or pre-teen siblings. It’s possible that one or more of these in particular may resonate with your sister – keeping in mind that the siblings know and believe that their sibling is on the Autistic spectrum. In any case, by reading this book, she may start to see how some of the things that the people in it describe may be similar to what she sees in you or your parents. It would be great to hear your opinion about it if you end up reading the book, and if you are willing to share it.
-- Karen
Thanks Karen, I'll check it out!
Hi Mary,
Thanks for your question. Unfortunately I only read one book about NT people's experience - I think it was mostly about significant others and I have to say I didn't particularly like it. That was awhile ago though and I'm sure there are better ones out there by now. Anyone else out there know of any good books about AS families?
I'm thinking you have possibly or probably done this already, but my tendency is to look at Amazon reviews of books then get them from the library to check out. As a matter of fact, I will try and do that and then post some of my own reviews - this may take some time but I will try and take a look and order some library books in the next week or so.