Crisis Point
I think I'm now in the most difficult situation I've ever really been in.
I'm navigating all sorts of social services to try and put food in the cupboards and not lose my house. Let's just say going from a very high income (with fixed expenses that are equally as high) to an income of almost nothing doesn't work out too well.
I feel pretty guilty about this entire situation as it probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't had a massive meltdown, climbed on a roof, and then taken a huge overdose. I can't change the past now, but the result of that is beyond devastating.
I can't tell my family how hard things have become (they've helped as much as they can). I'm finding I get a lot of misunderstanding responses when I reach out for help because of what my usual occupation is. It almost seems like to be eligible for assistance you need to have been struggling financially for a much longer time and hold no qualifications.
About all that is left in my cupboards is lentil soup. I stocked up when it was on special a while ago - the reason that's what left is because it tastes so revolting I've always just left it there as a stockpile... Today I'll be getting my first food parcel ever - I'm both embarrassed and scared about going into the charity that has agreed to give me one. I know pride about these things is wrong, but I still feel proud and embarrassed.
I wish I could wind back the clock 6+ years so that I never had any involvment with mental health services.
Most of all - I wish the people causing these prolems at the moment would get an understanding of Asperger's and let me get on with my life!
I think I'm almost all out of tears because I've cried so much in the past week.
One day at a time...
Thanks Genisa
I have my own house (that I really don't want to lose)...
Have an appt with the Salvos later today and am nervous as anything. I think the hardest part is telling them why I'm in such a difficult situation.
I finally managed to arrange with our govt welfare service people to meet with a financial counsellor next week. They said maybe they could help me negotiate some flexibility with the bank for my mortgage and student loans I am paying off.
I felt so ashamed calling these places... I know people go to them all of the time, I'm just not used to being in that position and feel like it's all my fault anyway so why should I be worthy of help/assistance... Maybe if I didn't feel like all of this was my fault it would be easier.
Thanks for the support though.
when I was in college and had my first time that i had to ask for food assistance, I was 19, and terrified that I had to go to a church that I had never been to before and speak to people that I didn't now. They were very nice and understanding. When I told them that all I had was some plain maccaroni noodles, a jar of peanut butter and saltine crackers, they immediately filled up several bags( didn't not follow limit, as I really WAS out of food, not just short of food. if you don't tell them exactly how short of food you are, as in you only have a few cans of soup) they will assume you just need a little to get by. If you don't have food, you can live. So I would start there.
OK - I'll try and be as honest about it as I can...
I'ts not easy. I had to help a friend through the same thing when she lost her job( she got fired because she cant not say something that is on her mind). Then her husband lost his job. She didn't know how to navigate the governement assistance system. Some people call it "working the system" but I call it " doing what I need to so that my family can survive. I can't hold a job or go to school due to extreme anxiety and that leads to depression. the Anxiety andn Depression cycle is a visious cycle. My husband doesn't have very good people skills, as in can't get along with those that are in authority as in bosses, or with women. I have found diffferent programs in my state that make it to where I can live. It has taken 10 years to get to where I am at now( moved out of my moms house at 25 and lived for about a week in a gross motel with my then fiance. my mom was afraid of loosing me to my then fiance, but I had to break free and move on in my life. I concider my new start to life was at 25 .Sadly, she didn't take care of herself, and allowed my brother, who is an anti social person with absoultely no remorse for anything he does and no conscience, to move in with her. He took her for all he could and ran her into a huge debt and she lost her house( which was paid off before he came in) and also got breast cancer. She discovered the lump but didn't tell anyone for a while as she was feeling hopeless and depressed, etc. It was too late when we fianlly got to a specialist and she had a mastectomy. It had spread. ( despair will kill you, as I have found with my mom). I won't let my self stay down very long. I get back up and fight. ). As I had stated earlier, it took 10 years to get to where I am at. I went from living in a gross motel, then to a one bedroom junky apartment in a not so good neighbor hood(also, no furnature, or car, etc), and several moves after that till finally getting Sect. 8( took 3 years to get). when I was in the motel, I wrote up a list of things that I wanted to attain( goals) and my first was a bed to sleep on, instead of an old mattress. I made that goal in about a week. Then it was to have a couch to sit on, etc. It took 5 months to finally get a car. It was slow, but I had my list and I kept on working on the next thing. It took 2 years to get a decent vehicle that was bigger than a tin can( festivas are very small. So a minivan was perfect!) I was 31 till I was able to get good enough credit to quailify for a crredit card. I got my first vehicle loan at 2 years ago at 33. I finally reached my goal of living in a house( renting, of course) as of last May. I have section 8 assistance helping me to pay the $900 a month rent. We are in a good neighborhood( finally don't have to worry about gangs, shootings, and meth labs, etc being nearby). I have come a long way, and I can see this. Many others can't. They say, "why don't you have a job?", why are you "living off of the government?", " your living in poverty. how can that be progress?) etc.There is nothing that I can say to them or explain why I am where I am at this point in time and to have them fully, or even partially understand me. I am proud of how far I have come. I still have goals that aren't met yet, but will be someday. One is to go back to college. I almost died at 19 from an eating disorder. I survived and am doiiing pretty damn good compared to where I was. What I am saying is that you can pick yourself up and move foreward. It might be a slow journey, but i can tell you that it has been very interesting. I always remind myself that, "I am doing the best that I can, at this moment, and I am moving forward". I wish you the best with your journey that is ahead of you.
btw, do you live in the US?
Wow Genisa - you've really fought for a long time and hard too!
I saw the salvos just then and they gave me a $20 voucher for the local supermarket - also some food ($7 budget from their foodstore thing - it was interesting trying to navigate my way through that). Now I just need to work out how best to use the voucher.
I don't live in the USA (so a few of the terms you mentioned don't make complete sense to me - but I get the idea). I live in Australia. :)
I visited the USA when I was a kid (with my parents). I remember not understanding when a homeless person asked mum and dad for some money to buy a sandwhich. I was so young I just assumed everyone lived in a house with their family. So mum and dad used the opportunity to explain to me about how some people land in difficult situations and we should never judge.
Now for the afternoon - I have an appointment with a commonwealth agency who help find employment for people with various disabilities. Who knows how that will go. The psychologist who put me in touch with them yesterday afternoon said they would even take into consideration sensory issues to find the most appropriate job. I think that sounds like more consideration than I usually get for any sensory difficulties I would experience working in a hospital.
Here's to my next adventure.
By the way Genisa - How is your aunt??? I hope things are going better for you there!
Austsralia! I'm going on 12 midnight. At first I didn't understand when you said "this afternoon" you really mean i t. LOL. I'm in Nebraska in the US. I would love to visit Australia some day. My Dad had done there back when he was in the vietnam war, and was on leave. My Aunt is doing better. she said that she had fiinaly had two whole days without anxiety. Her Dr. put her on seriquil, along with her Zoloft. She still has issues that cause anxiety and needs to work on them before leaving the hosp. She dreads leaving the saftey of the hospital, but she will have to face it at some point, so I told her to discuss the anxiety producing things with her Dr. so that she has a plan when it is time to go home. My husband and I got the last of her things moved from her apartment to her new apt. in an assisted living facility. One thing she doesn't like about the new facility is that everyone is old. She is 64, with the mind of a 24 year old. Many there are in their 80's and 90's. She says she feels very alone. I know the feeling. Being in a room full of people, but no one you can relate to. Monday, I went on the walk through moveout inspection of her apt. and everything was fine, except I need to find a shelf to her freezer( didn't know what it was when we moved it. LOL) and return it, and something about scrapes on the outside of her room door that were there when she moved in, but they are claiming she did it. uggg. She needs all of her deposits totaling about $530, back as she has a pet fee of $500 at the assisted living place, and will only be getting $80 a month to spend, as the assisted living facility gets the rest. I know she can live indendantly, but she needs someone to be with her 24/7.
Dear Patchmonk83,
Where in Australia are you? I'm in Melbourne. There are a number of organisations you can contact, but firstly don't feel embarrassed or ashamed at not having any food. I have been in the same situation many years ago. (was going through divorce, ex being difficult, paying off ex's large debt etc etc). Try the Salvos for starters. Let us know how you go.
Hi Laurie
I'm in Adelaide. Managing ok this week for food.
Thanks for the support.
Hi Patchwork. I can relate to the qualification thing. Not because I have any, but I was born with autism (and possibly have fragile x being tested soon) and I was in special ed all through school for learning disabilities but because I worked so hard and went to college and have a bachelors now I am being denied a lot of services I need and would have qualified for had I not gone to college at all! And I was pre med. Wanted to go to med school, but my learnnig disbailities were too severe and my sensory issues were too severe to work so now I'm unemployed on permanent disability but without any employment services or support services (there are long waiting lists for agencies to help). People at agencies look at me like I'm crazy because I have a degree and they wonder why I don't have a job because I look so normal to them. I go to the food bank and manage to get by as I can on public assistance and housing. It's really hard to talk about my past because people don't understand. They either see me as this college graduate who is lazy or mentally ill but never as the autistic woman who has come so far in her life to make it where I have made it to. But still it isn't enough to get out of poverty or have any quality of life and I also feel people don't understand me.
Good luck to you. I hope things work out for the best.
Squirrel
I'm not sure as to where you live, but there are places, that hand out needed things. It might be hard to go for the first time, but you have to do it so that you can get food, etc. There are food pantries at different places, churches usually have food pantries. Salvation Army (if you have on in your area) has food pantries. Red Cross is a good place for food pantry or other needs. I have been living in poverty for quite a while now, so I have had to learn how to get what I need. I have to in order to care for my family and my kids. Many places that offer rent assistance or utility assistance usually require a shut off notice or an eviction notice. As for food assistance( formerly food stamps) if all of your income stopped, and it is an emergency, then you should be able to fill out a form at the Health and Human Service office, and tell them that it is an emergency. You should have food "stamps" within 3 days, and a food pantry referal immediately. My family of 4 lives on 2 SSI disability checks. It is not easy to strech it when things come up that need fixing, etc. the main thing is that you need to make sure that you have a roof over your head( I don't know if you rent or own, or bank own) and food for you, etc. and a good thearpist to talk too. I have found this to be very helpful, as no one else really understood where i was at. I have lived in a homeless shelter with a 6 month old. NOt fun. I have hit bottom, and have slowly gotten back up. I hope thiings start looking up for y ou soon.