Difficulty expressing emotion or emotionless?
Can anyone else identify?I was upset recently when someone suggested that I don't seem to have have emotions...My beloved father died in October after 15 months of hell suffering with cancer. At his funeral I felt the urge to cry the whole time, yet spent the whole time trying not to cry. Instead I 'wept buckets' when I got home, where no-one could see me. 
I cannot cry in front of people. The main reason for this is that I find it difficult to cope with other people's responses to my distress. When people (usually outside of my family) hug me or make eye contact I feel overwhelmed and fearful. Therefore, I avoid showing emotions so that people won't be demonstrative physically or emotionally towards me.I actually have strong emotions, but I'm not good at identifying them or displaying them. When people ask me to divulge my feelings, I feel very uncomfortable emotionally. I feel I am revealing too much of myself. I also feel uncomfortable emotionally if people respond emotionally.Am I alone in feeling this?
Thanks OkieAspie.. No-one has ever suggested I am a sociopath, I don't talk brutally (I am sometimes mute in social situations) and I know I don't possess any of the traits whatsoever, but I do find it very difficult to show my emotions. When I was bullied in school as a child I would hide in the toilets and cry where no-one could see me. I do find it difficult to express emotions, even though I actually feel emotions very strongly.
I am glad you have a helpful psychologist 
Yeah a restroom stall is still my safe place even now. I don't want it to appear I was brutish though.
One of the statements in particular in the "she's a sociopath line" was when I told my aunt that it was quite obvious she only liked me when she was drinking. This frankly was very true from where I was. She loved to hang out after a couple of cans of Fosters, those pint sized cans at that.
I had never been much of a talker until I met my current spouse online. When we came together in the real world he helped me a great deal with social dealings. I think he has ADHD but refuses to check in to it. Now I am sort of floating in the nether again as he is unable to "be there" a great deal of the time. I know I can take care of myself but it really helps to have someone.
This is really interesting ... I think one of my biggest problems is that I am either emotional OR logical, I can't keep a balance of the two.
One of my problems is that I can't hide my emotions. I've always been told that people can 'read me like a book.' In fact, I tend to project outwardly much more than I'm actually feeling inwardly. When I'm feeling a little concerned, for example, someone may say, "Now don't panic!"
On the other hand, showing empathy is hard. I feel deeply, but showing it is another thing. I know there are expectations, but I don't know what they are. When a person is crying, the warm and fuzzy sort will sweep in and hug them and say all kinds of things (many of which are stupid or false or both). I won't say those things unless I really mean them, and I don't know how long to hug, so it's awkward. So I probably come across as cold and distant.
Tabitha, your first post, I understand completely. When my grandpa died, I tried not to cry in public, because I hate all the attention, and felt that my grief was too personal to be such a public display. I did weep in public, especially during the furneral, but I'm happy that I was able to keep it to silent crying.
I would also cover my face with my hands. My grandpa was a fairly well-known minister in his church, so the church was packed with people for his furneral. It was a bit overwhelming for my first furneral.
During the visitation/wake, I would sneak away to cry in the corners of the furneral home. I hate crying in front of people.
Sorry I'm jumping in here so late. It didn't help in my case that when we were children (me and my siblings), sometimes we were beaten for crying. Showing emotion was seen as a sign of weakness in my family. People seldom showed affection, like hugging or kissing. I learned early on the survival tactic of shutting down because I feel things acutely (I resent like the dickens when people tell me they think I'm cold). I went through bullying a while back from a former house mate. When I confronted her with it, and we had a nasty confrontation, she commented on how I seemed so "Zen" to her most of the times. I got the impression it bothered her. I recall the one time I tried to appeal to her to show some mercy. I remember seeing the smug, gloating look on her face as she refused to budge. I saw how much she was enjoying pinning me down and watching me squirm. I resolved right then never, ever to let her see me chafing under her abuse. I hide emotion until I'm alone, the only place I know of where it's safe for me to get emotional without some kind of trouble.
Lots of people don't cry at funerals. My older brother (the quintessential NT) recently expressed concern that he still hasn't cried for our mother who died nearly 6 years ago. This isn't that uncommon. Perhaps he's hanging on until our father dies, because Dad is an invalid and my brother takes care of all his financial stuff. He's the eldest and a tough nut. Once the responsibility has passed, he may let go.
Emotionally, I can be very reactionary. Reacting before thinking. I'm 52 and have been working on this for the past 40 years because it rarely helps anything. I've learned to hide anything that could be construed as a weakness because from the time I entered school I've been jumped by manipulators at the first sign. I cry when I'm alone - NEVER in front of others. I've become strong and appear confident.
As a result of my unguided conditioning, I'm often told that I'm very laid back and refreshingly straightforward. Some people have called me blunt or harsh because they prefer their truth sugar-coated. In some situations however, where I have to stand my ground and maybe even do a little battle (words) I've been told I'm formidable (from nice people) or intimidating (from the manipulators who don't like to lose.) I've found that a good vocabulary is a source of power but have to constantly resist the temptation to overpower and shut people down (because I believe everyone should have their say.)
I've been called a sociopath on three occasions and a narcissist at least fifteen times (usually after one of the News outlets does a story on narcissism.)
Being old, I don't waste so much time trying to mask the "proper" facial expressions anymore. I'm more concerned with getting through whatever task I'm facing and doing it as perfectly as possible.
I've become very practical, but I think that's mostly because practical is safer. If I venture out with my creative side, I definately keep that to myself or my close friends. Getting creative is what brings censure, especially within my family. It's when I'm most accused of wrong thinking - but things I thought about when I was a kid, things that were called blasphemy, are things people are beginning to accept now. (I would have been an abolishionist) Makes me feel wise but also makes me more cautious. I don't want to end up burned on someone's stake.
I feel that I have become a stoic person because I am not able to censor my initial reactions very well. I don't always know what is appropriate so it is better for me to display nothing until I know what the appropriate thing to do is. I also dislike being disingenuine so sometimes I feel its just better for me to distance myself.
I don't know if this will help but I never knew I was showing less emotions. Of course I did everything possible especially as a child to avoid appearing weak. Soon after I was diagnosed with AS at age 41 I got a call from my uncle advising me my aunt wanted no contact from me because her new therapist (whom I have never met and practices in a different state) had come to the conclusion I was a sociopath due my lack of emotion and the "brutal" way I spoke to her. I was really taken aback, I didn't and don't have much of a relationship with my aunt and uncle. There was/is lot of family resentment toward my brother and I roughly from the time of birth from my aunt and uncle. So to say even if I had been NT things would not be good.
Anyway since I/we take everything literally I was afraid it was true and spent a greagt deal of time trying to logically catagorize myself as a sociopath now knows as Antisocial personality disorder. After all I was "anti" social. When I went to my next appointment with my awesome Psycologist he laughed and said you do NOT have traits of a sociopath. Thats when I finally started to understand the whole emotion thing and not expressing them in the appropriate context and level to NTs is considered offensive. Evidentley even more offensive than an over display of (insert emotion here).
I have learned how to say the appropriate thing most of them time but sometimes take a quick retreat if I sense a buildup. It's not a perfect system but the more you do it the easier it seems.