Meg, I grew up in completely different cultures, so I agree about the vicious cycle.

My fondest memories were in cultures and school settings where classes were highly structured; everything was the same every week, if not every day, and we all had the same lunch period. For me, even though I was different and awkward socially, classmates treated me like they would anyone else. They'd even tell me directly if I said something that was too weird, but without passing judgment. It was more like, "Yeah, she's weird, but that's who she is," as opposed to "She's way too weird!" While I do wish I had made more friends then, I don't recall it ever being a major issue.

Then I moved to a culture and even worked in a setting that really stressed being expressive, boisterous and social, yet social rules were conveyed subtly 90% of the time. It highlighted my inability to pick up on social cues and subtle nuances quickly in a new environment. It didn't help, either, that I was also described as quiet, like it was a bad thing. So I was now "quiet" "not social enough" "not popular enough" "not participating enough in class" etc. and I do think that at times, I was even ostracized because of some cue I didn't pick up. For my personality, that was much too much to deal with all at once.

Kinda makes you wonder which culture and setting really stressed individuality here, lol!