Holiday Hoopla, Sensory Overload & Autism: Helping NT's to Understand.
I am in constant amazement at how some of my NT friends can just keep going & going... like the energizer bunny!
With the holidays now as our social backdrop, please help me to understand how best to approach NT family & friends with the need to minimize sensory overload. I get this question posed to me alot, but oftentimes find that I am not always seeing the entire picture (various ways to go about this) as I tend to rely on what works for me and my awesome family & friends.
Needless to say, my limited ideas have not always worked for my autistic friends. So, I thought I'd ask our most fantastical AWN In-house NT, Karen!
I think Karen's answer is awesome :) Good suggestions on the ready-made socially acceptable solutions! I am going to try to remember those.
I have the same problem and have noticed that it is usually best to be as vague as possible and use the most socially acceptable reasons that you can think of.
"Not feeling so good" works pretty well and is not a lie. Still, if possible, I would rather get out of there without the person feeling bad for me.
If I am in a place where I have to stay for some period of time, the thing that usually works best is to go outside for a little while. If taking a walk is an option, that is even better, assuming I can think well enough to do it and am not completely exhausted. A lot to assume. Only problems with going ouside and/or taking a walk is that sometimes someone might want to come with you or question you about why you want to go outside in the cold weather/bad neighborhood/dark/whatever.
This is more tips for NTs who have someone with autism in their family or in their life. It was in the Issues and Hot Topics forum, posted by Eileen. Thank you Eileen!
I agree, you're answer is awesome, Karen! I do have a great NT support system and each holiday get's a bit easier. Thank you.
Hi Sharon,
What a great and timely question! Both the good and the bad news is that many NTs also experience some kind of overload or overwhelm, sensory or otherwise, during this time of the year. It is my optimistic hope that because of this, a lot of NTs will be more empathetic about the need for more downtime, less chaos, etc. It may help to be proactive with NT friends and family, i.e. to talk about your needs and boundaries around your time before all the holiday merrymaking begins. For example, you can say that your plan is to come to dinner or brunch or whatever it is you have committed to, or to participate for x amount of time but then you will need to go or you may need to leave sooner.
If you are stuck or feeling stuck in a situation, do your best to take a walk or seek out a quiet space to regroup (the bathroom can be a great place!) until you can leave. If you don't feel comfortable giving the specifics of why you need to minimize sensory overload, i.e. your friends/family don't know you are on the spectrum or are not particularly supportive around your needs, perhaps you could say something like, "Wow the holidays really wipe me out and it's been such a busy year (week, month, etc.) - I could really just use some time to myself or to relax so I'll be with you all for a couple of hours and then I'm going to go home (to my room, out for a walk).
If there is an NT around that knows you and that you trust, solicit help and support from that person for dealing with the rest of the family or other friends. That person may be able to jump in and "normalize" with the other NTs - i.e. backing you up around how tiring the holidays can be and how she/he is also planning to take some time and space for her/himself.
I realize this may sound great and simple "on paper"and that everyone has very different dynamics with family and friends. Some of them may feel hurt or upset about you limiting your time. It may help to say that if you make sure to get some rest and downtime, you will be able to be more present when you are spending time with them. If you do feel the need to resort to outright lying, You can always claim to be have a cold, flu, stomachache, bad headache, etc. I do understand that many people on the spectrum are not comfortable with lying and really, you shouldn't have to. However, you may use some other words to describe your symptoms that are arising from overwhelm, such as feeling dizzy, or that the noise is making your head hurt, which people may take to mean you have a headache and there's no need to get into specifics.
I'm feeling that my ideas are also somewhat limited, especially as my experience of holiday time for the last many years has been with with very few large family/friend get-togethers. So I'm throwing this open to all the other NTs out there who may be able to add to the suggestions.
Happy Holidays to all of you that are involved with the Autism Women's Network. I have truly felt priveleged and honored to be involved with the Autism community in this way. May 2011 bring wonderful things to AWN as an organization and to all of you individually as well.
Karen