Homeschool and Socialization
Maybe someone can help me out. From grades 1-3, my daughter was in a "typical" class with an aide to help her. Her 3rd grade teacher and aide didn't seem to really grasp the concept of my daughter's autism and really how to deal with certain situations. My suggestions were shot down and then they decided to send her to special ed class in school 15 miles away. Let's just say although her grades were good, she probably spent more time home than at school. I got calls to pick her up after only an hour or two and told not to bring her if I thought she would have a day like the days they were calling me to get her. I saw nothing where she was being taught science or social studies. Thought about residential school but her father told me no and I wasn't going to go through a legal battle about that. I had talked with another couple during her 3rd grade year about homeschool. That conversation kept coming back to me and I finally decided "What's it going to hurt if I try for a year and see how it goes? If it doesn't work I'll put her back in regular school or try something else." The first week is over with and she completed her work. She had no time limit to finish something and she didn't get very frustrated. She doesn't like doing the work, but she did it. She only missed a few things here and there and I'm doing social studies and science with her. I'm learning how she learns so we're starting slow, but I'm using workbooks for 5th grade level (typical 5th grade level not special needs). My issue is socialization. I don't want her alienating the world. I've contacted 4H since she has therapeutic horseback riding and loves animals, but no response from them on how to get her started. Not sure about Girl Scouts. I've thought about dance, since she loves to dance and music doesn't bother her, but there are noises that do affect her. I would just like to see if anyone has any suggestions on what I can do to help her socialization.
Ok, so we just started homeschooling too! I have two boys, one on the spectrum and one suspected. I was also having the problem you described, at least the part about nobody, not the aide or the teachers, or even the spec ed teacher really understanding how to deal with autistic kids and their different and wide ranging needs.
It was frustrating, silly, and seemed to be wasting everyone's time. We have always thrown around the idea of homeschooling, even before we knew what autism was, so we decided now is the time! One on one attention is what my boys NEED more than anything. I know how to deal with their shut downs, emotions, anxiety and negativity. I can understand when my son says that the 'battle in his brain' is better or worse. We can take breaks when we need to and learn thing visually. We can establish a stable routine without sacrificing the flexibility needed by an overstimulated or stressed child.
Socialization is THE question whenever we mention homeschooling. When we first brought it up to the principal at the school as a solution to the problems my eldest was having in class, the principal was very concerned with how he would be socialized. He even went as far as to tell the SI of the district that he thought my homeschooling was a bad idea. Well, his opinion is just that...
As far as kids needing socialization, they absolutely do. But do they need to be crammed in an overburdened classroom full of all kinds of kids, learning things taught in other homes and how the playground rules work against the weak, where no one seems to understand them and they are forced to conform or pushed out? I don't think so. I'd rather my children socialize with all types of people, of all ages, not just other kids their own age. I would like to teach them how to interact politely with people on a daily basis, how they would in real life, to develop the skills they need to actually deal with real life when they have to.
These skills, plus socialization with kids their own age can be acheived through joining groups, going to the library, the park, the store, the post office, going with you to vote, out in the community, volunteering, at the zoo or museum, playdates, playgroups, sports, day camps and so on...there are people everywhere, chances to socialize like 'normal' people every day of the week.
As a homeschool, at least in Minnesota, I can still receive IEP services, and with a degree (or an advocate with one) I can act as the principal and have more say over the IEP process. I can do testing in a way which will reflect my children's true skills. I don't have to rely on some para I've never met, or a teacher and staff uneducated in autism and too set in their ways to consider something new. I know Individual Education Program SOUNDS good in theory, but unless it's actually carried out in the classroom and not just on paper, it's pretty worthless.
I don't want it to seem as if I am getting down on the local district. There are many people there who do good and are great educators. But they are a failing school, they don't have enough money or time or resources or staff to really give kids what they individually need. And a lot of them just need the time and the opportunity to learn at their own pace and in their own way, and they need an adult who has the time to guide them and teach them those extra skills, like socializing.
Well, I have no children, but I once knew a mom who home-schooled and she networked with other home-schooled children to go out on social outings for the kids. You might see if other mothers are doing that in your area and if not, try to get it started.
I completely agree with MNmomma! Great point there!
When my oldest son was 5 I ran in to some of the same issues. No one would listen and I had a heck of a time with the school on diagnosis even. I really don't know how you can prepare yourself for homeschooling a special needs child. I would not worry about the homeschooling associations/ extra curricular activities until you are really established in homeschooling. All you need to do is concentrate on the child the first year. I still do not belong to any groups or associations and I am happy by myself. It is not necessary to belong to them to be successful, especially if the problems in school you were having were with other people to begin with.
But that said just look at your current base of friends with playdates you can get pleanty of socialization. I was worried about how little I might be giving my kids compared to the school. But I was "Schooled" by another homeschooler when she basically said that the rules of public school no longer apply. I make the decisions. If I find something too much for him I cut it in half. There is no frustration and no more getting behind. School is seven days a week and 365 days a year. What I mean is outside of the books your child learns from you all of the time. So never fear that they are not getting enough socialization or school work.
You may hit some unexpected bumps in the road. I know I did. He lost steam about two months in and it was very hard for him to complete anything for a few months till I learned how he learns.
Good Luck!
Great points, Mara.
I'm trying to stick to a 'schedule', at least for now- we'll see how it goes. I have to remember not to stress out about it, though. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking that I have to be perfect and if I'm not sticking to the calendar I outlined for the district, I am failing. Then I remind myself why we are doing this homeschooling thing. I have to stop, acknowledge my anxiety, LET IT GO, and go back to enjoying my time with my kids. It's a blessing and I don't want to waste it all worrying about the school district, the rules they make up, or what other people might think of me. Or if what I am doing is PERFECT. Yes, I LOVE to be perfect, but I have to remember, just like I remind my son: nobody is perfect and it is OK to make mistakes. Bumps in the road are a part of life. I don't have to abandon the vehicle at every dip in the road.
I LOVE to be a rule follower, it feels great! But I have to realize that not all rules are appropriate to us, and in fact some rules are downright silly. It's a scary world to a "Rule Person" when rules no longer apply. I do make sure there are the basics for the boys, respect and manners always apply during our school day, so that makes me feel a little anchored and gives my guys an anchor as well. My eldest especially excels if he understands explicitly what is expected of him. There's a lot of anxiety between the two of us, so having a base schedule and expectations helps deter us from burnouts and shutdowns, while still allowing us to be flexible enough to avoid the burnouts and shutdowns of being over extended.
Mara, your account of your child losing steam is actually reassuring for me, believe it or not. It brings me back down from my mind-set of being perfect (I just can't shut it off completely LOL) and reminds me that I'm dealing with children who have their own personalities and needs and that it is perfectly fine to adapt to those needs. Not just fine, but the right thing to do. Does that make sense? For me, getting in touch with other people who homeschool is the best thing I can do for my own sanity. As much as I'd rather avoid other people, I have gained so much confindence and reassurance from other homeschoolers and like minded people that it has been worth pushing my own social limitations. Having someone else say that it is OK to relax and find what works for us helps to keep me grounded and focused on the real issue: Helping my boys succeed in life.
I wish you all the best in your school adventures!
I am an oldtimer home school person,spent 6 years with my older (now young adults) 4, who were pre-94 hence not labeled but have def. ASD issues, and have been working with a younger one (Minneapolis district) at home since 3.5 yrs ago. IMO socialization is a crock of crap. Home education gives you the opportunity of socializing (really, not with the teacher telling them to bve quiet because they are not supposed to be....) with all ages, as are best for your own kid. After all, when was the last time you, as an adult, spent 6.5 hours in a room with 28 other peole within a year of your age, being ordered around by someone 20 years older? Does school really socialize for anything other than "yes massa"? - NOT!
Have many resources and ideas on materials, we have used local park programs with or without 1:1, 4H, community arts programs, "open gym" programs, structured and unstructured. I have found a variant on the "work box" structure helpful for keeping us both on track.
http://ourbusyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2009/03/ever-heard-of-workboxes.html for an example....
Please feel free to contact me with questions about materials etc, as I have been in and out of the home school biz since 1989.
My son is involved in Cub scouts and he loves it. He has a hard time concentrating, and it takes one on one help, but he enjoys it and is learning a lot from it. We also go to as many gatherings in the community that we can. I have found quite a few this summer and much of it hasn't cost us anything. As far as schooling, I finally got my son into a regular education school for two hours out of the day, with the rest at the level 3 school he had been attending for the last two years. I initiated the move because he has regressed academically. He went there at the beginning of second grade, only one half year behind(at a mid first grade level). Now, two years later, he is 3 years behind(at a beginning first grade level). He had never even been introduced to double digit addition or subtraction, and that is without carrying over. I got fed up with the BS and demanded my son go back to a regular education school. It took a multitude of back and forth e-mails; an advocate; 17 IEP team members, and a little more than 2 1/2 hours to come up with an IEP that we could all agree on, at least for now. I have a lot of questions, and need to find out the details to make sure that what is on his IEP is actually what is happening. I ask my son about his day, and some of it does't fit with what is supposed to be happening, such as spending time in his regular 4th grade classroom, instead of the 2 hours in the learning center while at his home school.