I guess I made a social blunder, becasue my anxiety was too high
Last night, I was at a meeting for our autism walk fundraiser ( it was in a meeting room at a local hospital as the organizer of the walk works there), and I hadn't eaten yet, so I went to the cafeteria to get something to take back. It was closing in about 5 minutes( I don't like to be rushed, it causes alot of anxiety), well... I wanted to get a salad, and I asked this Dr, ( assumed because of his stethascope around his neck, still) where he got his foam takeout container, and he told me that he got it when he got his sandwich. He then said, "your welcome" after I turned and walked a few feet away. ( my mind was spinning, I was almost at the point of panic). I geuss he thought I was quite rude, when in reality I was so overwhelmed. I was busy trying to figure how I was going to get a salad, without a container or plate to put it on, as I did not see eeither of these. Me and time crunches do NOT mix. If someone pushes me( whether real or imagined) I get very anxious.
I wouldn't worry about it, if I were you. Maybe he thought you were rude, but so what? As you said, you kinda had a lot going on at the time. Most nice people, if they understand that someone else might be having a hard time, would give that person the benefit of the doubt instead of presuming to correct the person on a minor point of etiquette. The argument could be made that he was actually more rude than you were in that interaction. Whatever, I hope you will extend to yourself the forgiveness he wouldn't extend to you. We all just have to do the best we can, and sometimes we fall short of perfection. That's just life. Anxiety sure makes things harder, though I know.
Genisa, this is the sort of stuff I encounter. And I agree with Jacoby that the Dr. was the rude one in your case. What I usually do is say, "Oh, I am sorry. Thank you." And then resolve to forgive myself for whatever awkwardness I displayed.
I remember we were all crowding into a ride at Disneyland, and my son was a bit awkward about it, and a woman shouted at him. I told her, "Excuse us, sorry about that." The woman said, "I just bet you are." The way I look at it, she had the problem, not us.
Once a woman at a fast food place at the mall was so uncomfortable about my son's behavior and my having to redirect him that she said something like, "It's clear you couldn't parent yourself out of a paper bag, and I hope you don't have to do it for much longer." (Seriously, was that necessary?) I looked right at her and said, "Merry Christmas to you." She was very upset, and I said, "I mean it. I hope you enjoy the holidays." Coming back with something positive can disarm people and lower blood pressure at the same time.
I confess when I'm under pressure, as you were, the words don't always come to me. Once I was in line to pay at a store, and my son had a meltdown. I had him sit down where he rocked and groaned loudly. He was on the way toward calming himself, but some very rude woman came over and began shouting at me about keeping my little "reject" at home in the attic, and I shouted at her full voice, "You are not helping! Now scat! Shoo!"
Several people in our line burst into applause at this, and the cashier laughed. The woman, humiliated, slunk away. "Honestly," the cashier said to me, "I wonder who let her out of the belfry."
In more ideal circumstances, with my wits about me, I wouldn't have contributed to the ugliness. There is more than enough ugliness in the world.
I was at the point of where even replying to him was not possible. I heard him say it, but my mind was racing all over the place and too focused on getting a salad from the salad bar that the worker was already puttiing away, which didn't help with the anxiety. After any face to face interactons with anyone lately leaves me feeling like I made a complete idiot of myself, and came across as a neurotic nut case. :-(
I have had quite a few meetings this last two weeks( more than I can deal with all at once) and I just can't pull myself to go to another one. I last one hour then it is obvious that my anxiety starts to rise and I tend to just blurt out things and then feel stupid for talking out of order. I'm just not used to all of this. Two cubscout realated meetings last week and one challenger League baseball organiziaon board meeting, with each lasting form 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours. Then this week: Sunday: 1 1/2 hour meeting for autism walk printed material committee meeting(not so bad as it was just 4 of us), then Monday, a 2 hour + meeting for the whole autism walk planning committee, then tonight was a 2 hour cubscouts parent committee meeting( really didi not feel like going). Tomarrow, a 115 mile round trip to go to my Aspergers thearpist, then thrus. another Dr. appt. and Friday, two parent teacher conferences, including discussing Jadens IEP( which is stressful for me). I don't know how anyone can hold a job with this kind of constant thing of meetings. etc. I am only volunteering for all of it. I can't keep up with things around the house even. And of course, my husband is of no help.
Genisa, I think it's awesome that you volunteer so much. Just hearing what you do is exhausting. I know you feel badly about how you communicate, but my goodness, look at all you accomplish!
My husband does the "boy stuff," such as Challenger and AYSO VIP. More and more, I'm having our behaviorists talk my husband into leading my son in projects and giving him advice about how to do it. My son needs the male role model. Up until recently, my husband didn't do all that much either. Their current project is making a long raised planter box (a very big one) full of fresh veggies. They are already sprouting seeds for the veggies. This weekend, they will be buying the wood and the soil enhancers and starting to put the thing together. My son is excited about it.
I think my husband is actually happier. He wouldn't volunteer to do any of it, if it were solely up to him. And I know it tires him on top of working full time.
I can't wait till next month to start planning on gardening.( can't plant anything outside till there is no frost( about end of May). My husband is the Bear leader, with Jaden being the only Bear left. We combined dens with the wolves as they had 4 and the leader is currenly not able to lead the group. I'm the Assistant Cubmaster, and assistant Bear/Wolf den leader. I do the planning, my husband does the presenting. Jaden jusst finished his final project for his Bear Badge, which he will get at next months pack meeting. He has earned 9 belt loops, 3 pins, a gold arrow point and two silver arrow points so far this year. We have till May 31st to earn more as a Bear. Then he will be a Webelo I. as of June 1st.
I just read your original post re; the doctor who implied YOU were rude. I almost have to laugh. Doctors are the most rude people on the planet. Half the time i find myself running after them down the hall "is that it, are we done, am i following you are waiting here?". Because they don't freakin speak or communicate. So for one to expect you to speak and say thank you is almost ironic. My thoughts.... if you WERE rude GOOD FOR YOU! Perhaps now Mr. Doctor can really understand how it feels to have someone not speak to you after you've answered their questions. They do that ALL THE TIME!! grin
I encounter people like this Dr A LOT!
In college, I had a professor who I really admired and I was really awkward around because I felt that his mental ability and knowledge far surpassed anything I could ever hope for. Silly, really, but he was a good teacher and seemed to understand my awkwardness most of the time.
One day, I was walking down the hall on my way to another class and I was totally absorbed in myself, head down, wild pictures in my head and all consuming thoughts, when I passed this professor in the hallway. I didn't have a class with him at the time and I just kept walking by. After I passed he turned and nearly shouted "WELL HELLO TO YOU TOO!!" I was bewildered and still feel awful about it. So awful that when my son's speech therapist said to him in the hallway at school "You need to greet people you see in the hallway" He turned his back to her because he was so uncomfortable and I considered telling him that he didn't have to say hi to anyone he didn't want to, but I thought better of it. I just told him that I knew how he felt...
on the topic of "greeting people in hallways": when I was in high school, I would avoid anyone I knew. If I knew that so and so goes down a certain hall during passing period such and such, I would go out of my way and take another "route" to my class. If I did recognize someone, I would look down at the floor and hurry on by, hoping and praying that they didn't see me. If they did notice me and said, "hi", I would just cringe in my skin and I forced out "hi" the best I could, with a half hearted smile. and hurried on.
since I felt uncomfortable around most people, and had come to realize that I had no ability to carry on a conversation with out, losing them as in (they weren't interested) or as in (I tend to confuse people because I talk fast, and thanks to my adhd, I tend to get distracted and bounce around a discussion), and I tend to end up making myself sound like a complete idiot so I realized the only survival technique was to avoid them.
Hi Genisa. I am face blind and had a horrible time even remembering people outside the limited context of where I usually saw them. I might have had a class with them in one part of the school, but if I saw them someplace else on campus or worse, outside in the community, I would often entirely forget their names or how I knew them. It was really embarrassing, and so I would often just scurry by or try to avoid people I sort of recognized but couldn't entirely remember. I felt so rude! I just couldn't stand the inevitable, "I can't believe you don't remember me" and their hurt feelings. I didn't want to hurt or disappoint people, and it seemed that if I explained about my face blindness that they'd just think I was crazy!
I did and still have that problem. Some people I can recognize from body shape, from a distance. I tend to recognize people by their hair. If they cut it or put it up, or color it, I wont recognize them and when I talk to them, I feel like I don't know them.
Sometimes when I get overwhelmed in public, I'll cut right in front of people and they think I'm being rude. One kid at school never let me down for it (although it was just playful teasing) when I "cut" him at the water dispenser. It never dawns on me to ask people (or I just don't want to talk) so I've had these stupid little blunders quite often. Also, speaking too bluntly or tensley in tone - god. I've done this to my current love interest, among others. He's a real good-looking guy, very popular and nice. I have no idea why he chose to stick around. I wonder if he knows how much I feel for him!
Off topic, but sigh, I am terribly smitten by this gent... Even my mother likes him, and they've never even met! He's so accepting and compassionate, and he doesn't even know all that he's done for me.
To the relationships board!
also, I was very hungry too, which made things even more anxiety causing. I couldn't even find the dinner ware. they had these dispense machines tht dispensed one at a time. there was one for each. I finally found them after I focused on calming down. I must have looked like a mumbling idiot or something, as practally everyone was looking at me.