Rape and coping with your feelings afterwards
Hi...I just read an article about a 26 yr old autistic woman who was raped in broad daylight and it brought back some memories. I was 17 when i was raped by several men in a dark basement. My first instinct...after i was safely at home...was to hide it. I didn't want anyone to know what had happened to me and in order for that to happen, i couldn't seem freaked out or cry in front of anyone. I didn't call the police...i didn't go to the emergency room. I took a long hot shower because i wanted to wash it all off of me...the feeling...the smells...everything. I sobbed the whole time and threw up at least once. I kept trying to picture the faces and demeanor i was going to have to have in front of everyone so that they wouldn't know how damaged i had just been. I didn't know if the men who raped me were going to kill me after they were done or beat me up or what...i was frozen in fear.
I lived quite a few years after that without telling anyone what i had experienced. Once i was a little older though, i realized that it was not something uncommon. As it turned out, a large number of the women i met along the way had been raped as well. It then became very easy for me to mention because i knew that other women would understand.
What i read about in that article today made me think a little deeper on it though. Why is rape so common...why is it so socially acceptable? Why would a person feel that they could do this to another human being right in front of strangers passing by on the street and think that it wasn't that big of a deal? The person who raped her is facing 3 yrs in prison...that's it....and he'll probably get out much sooner than that. The woman he raped will be dealing with the aftermath of his actions for years and years and will probably be very afraid for a long time.
I know, for me, it took too long for me to work through what happened. I became very nervous about sex and actually couldn't have sex with anyone unless i was drunk. Not exactly a great way to go through a relationship. It really did help to finally talk with others about it and let out my feelings about it...the anger, the guilt, the fear, the feeling of being so helpless. I know that it takes a lot to be able to do that...but the sooner the better. I don't know how many other women on this forum have gone through this as well, but i'm willing to bet there are quite a few. I just want to let others know that we can support each other through these types of experiences and exchange resources, advise and lend an ear.
Blessings to all :)
There's the Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres
Here' are some more Canadian resources as well.
There is also a good list of resources, research, and handbooks specifically about violence and disability - if anyone is interested in advocacy on this topic, the First Response to Victims of Crime who Have a Disability is a good guide for law enforcement officials.
If anyone does suffer a violent attack, please get medical help immediately. I would recommend calling your local rape crisis centre first (if you do not need to go to the hospital immediately) and asking for a volunteer to accompany you. While hospitals are used to dealing with victims of violence, having an advocate with you can smooth the process for you considerably, and most rape crisis volunteers are well-trained in advocacy for victims. Immediate medical treatment can help you to avoid at least some of the possible long-lasting consequences of an attack.
It is never your fault if you are a victim of sexual assault, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately too many of us go through it, so you are not alone.
What is there for people who have a sexual assault in the past? Do any of these places help patch up old wounds?? Time doesn't heal all wounds all by itself. Gotta do more than wait for it to get better.
Tricia
This is a very disturbing and as you have expressed not uncommon event for vulnerable women. I applaude you for sharing your story in the hope of starting a discussion here and you have my heartfelt empathy for your experiences.
I have to say that the story that sparked this thread has me enraged!! As yet I have really been unable to write about it.
This story is likely to trigger an overwhelming set of feelings for many women.
If people are having difficulties dealing with this they should seek counselling through one of these services:
USA
National Sexual Assault Hotline http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/
UK
Rape Crisis Centres England and Wales http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php
Australia
Reach Out.com http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/sexual-assault
If anyone has further resources they wish to recommend please do so.
Women on the spectrum should know that they are not alone in these experiences.
You should all also know that you have a right to feel safe and be safe in your communities and if this is not the case then please seek help. You have just as much right to be involved in your local women's services as everyone else and in each developed country there should be legislation that allows you to be assisted to access these services.
My hope is that advocates in our respective countries will take note of this issue and force it into the spotlight.
In Kindness
Katharine