Teachers Don't See It
My daughter was adopted internationally last year, she was 8 years old at the time. Almost immediately I noticed that she was a little "different" than typical 8 year olds. Here interests were 2-3 years behind her peers, she avoided physical contact, she avoided eye contact, she did not get emotional when someone else was injured. She would prefer to spend time alone rather than with the rest of the family. At first I just gave her time to adjust, thinking she needed time to attach; but, after 10 months of most of the same behavior I began looking for answers. In school I was told she was doing fine, but there were problems with peers that I was not privy to, she had made friends with a couple of girls but by mid-year they had shunned her for no apparent reason. Anyway, over the summer I realized that she had problems with imaginative play and focused on playing with boys, younger than her, with rules based games like basketball or video games. A child psychologist diagnosed her as ASD with a specific diagnosis of Aspergers.
My daughter was in a public school with 20-25 kids in a class so I put her in a private school with 11 kids. I was not sure of the ASD diagnosis when I enrolled her. Now that we have been in therapy for a few months the psychologist is very solid in her ASD diagnosis and provided a letter for the school because I have been having issues at home with her and school.
Tonight I went to school armed with some literature for the teacher, an official letter for the principal, and IEP goals relating to academic, social, and emotional development. I was told at the meeting that they "really didn't see it" and that if I hadn't brought in a letter they would have never believed that she has Aspergers because she gets along with other kids, is very helpful in class, and very well behaved. She helps younger kids with gym games and academically is doing very well. I had to remind them that she is 10 years old and in 2nd grade so she really is not interacting with her peers and Asperger's children tend to gravitate to younger kids because the play is simpler and rules related. I also asked them if she kicks her legs in class, grunts out a tune when stressed, taps a tune out on her body or rocks in her seat? They looked horrified and said absolutely not.
What am I to conclude? They implied that she doesn't do that because in school because it is structured and she does not at home because I don't have a routine. I assured them that I do have a strict routine. The only thing I can think of is her interactions with other kids is more mimicking and no real depth, based on her observation (she is very good at being quiet and observing people). I also thought maybe she builds up at school and then kind of lets go at home.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Trying to convince educators that your daughter does have Asperger's? Explaining why her behavior in school is so "model" compared to her behavior at home?
Thanks
My school insinuated the same thing with my son, that since the negative behaviors were all at home, and his best behavior was at school, then there must be something that I am not doing at home, or something that I am doing wrong. I told them, after some research, that most kids show their best behavior at school, but as soon as they get home, they let loose, after holding in all of their frusteration, etc. from the school day, and that since they feel most comfortable at home, this is where they release their tension. Our kids trust us to know that we understand them and will not "judge" them or punish them for some "odd" behaviors. Rocking back and forth in their chair at school is concidered a distraction to other students, so they would be told not to do it or else they would recieve some kind of punishment(lost recess, etc). As a fellow Aspie, and former 10 year old, I know what it is like to watch what others do and then immitate them so that I don't get singled out and picked on. It took me till I was about 10 to start being able to do this for longer periods of time. When I go out in public, I can put on a persona that is "normal" that is as long as it does't last a long time, such as going to the store to buy something. If it is a gathering with a lot of people, I avoid it becasuse I can't keep up the "facade" long enough, and it gets very stressful. Then when I get home from these "gatherings" I let go and am usually feeling angry, frusterated, lonely as no one seems to understand me. I like taking my kids to autism family gatherings becasue many of the parents there understand my issues, and my sons issues, as they also have a child with autism. I can act my self, and no one judges me or criticizes me. After those gatherings, I feel better, as I didn't have to stifle myself and who I really am. As for schools, they will be in denial no matter what you say, what a dr. says, etc. I have been going through this with my son for the last 9 years, with trying to get anyone in the educational field to acknoledge his autism. IF it is presented as a neurological disorder( not using the term "autism", then they seem to be more willing to accept it. They seem more willing to accept that my son has sensory issues, difficulty with pragmatics of language(social skills)than they are to use the term autism. I don't really care, as long as he is recieveing the services and supports he needs to be successful with his learning in both academics and social skills. Right now, we just finished 4 hours of MDT meetings to come to an agreement that my son has learning disabilities in reading, writing and math; has a pragmatic language disability, and has an "other health imparement(*pdd/nos). Now for putting together another IEP, as he is now back full time in a district school, after 2 years full time in a level 3 school.
Um, take this with a grain of salt because I'm jaded when it comes to school behavior. Bottom line is that they are NOT experts and likely are not paying enough attention to your daughter.
Send a letter in writing requesting a Multidisciplinary Educational evaluation due to your daughters diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. That'll get the ball rolling.
Schools typically do not want to provide special education services to children who can slip through the system quietly. So they are going to do their best to make it seem like she's doing just fine. If they do proper testing, the data will tell all. And if they don't do proper testing, your next move is an independent evaluation.
Hopefully they will step up to the plate. If not, keep us posted.
Amy C.
P.S. Also look at a disorder called "Reactive Attachment Disorder". A lot of adopted children are diagnosed with this and apparently it looks a lot like and ASD.
Amy Caraballo Pittsburgh Special Education Examiner http://www.examiner.com/x-31431-Pittsburgh-Special-Education-Examiner